Fear for the future, Fear from the past
by Calzona Kepner
Summary: Emily Prentiss is back but she is hiding something from them and once again it could kill he but by the time JJ and Morgan notice it could already be to late to save her... hints of Prentiss/Morgan paring and please R&R my first fanfic...I own nothing :


Fear for the future, Fear from the past

Chapter 1

The unstoppable rain, the unstoppableSound, the unstoppable scar...-Dir En Grey

The BAU team were overcome with tiredness, it had been a long week, after working non stop on the double homicides of 5 couples and the last couple, couple six only escaping by the skin of their teeth, they were all looking forward to some well needed sleep. SSA Derek Morgan stared over at the sleeping figure of Emily Prentiss in her cream leather seat; the jet was now nearing the airstrip. That meant home, _sleep _although it seemed everyone else was getting enough sleep except him, he was worried, Emily had been through so much and now she was back. Doyle had tried and almost _succeeded_ in killing her and there she was acting like nothing had happened, her hands now resting on the almost fatal wound. Their training had showed him something was wrong, out of breath to quickly; suddenly in pain then next minute smiling like nothing had happened. Yet something had happened, she was ill and only he saw it...

_She saw the wooden pole in his hand; he plunged into her stomach she gasped, pain in every crevice of her body. She could hear the fear that crept into his voice; he was asking her where Declan was. His voice seemed so distant and then she felt her self slipping away..._

She woke gasping for breath and noticed Morgan's eyes on her now trembling figure "hey there" she whispered her voice cracking he hadn't seen her small fists curling in pain a sharp throbbing pain only she knew; Morgan reached over and grabbed her hand offering her some small comfort, still not noticing. "It was about Doyle wasn't it?" he asked... Emily stared of into space; she couldn't even begin to think of a way to answer his question, without saying to much, without making herself too weak. Then she was saved by the bell, the lights powered up and the pilot announced they would be landing in fifteen minutes. Slowly the other 4 members of the team woke from their sleep, JJ stood and walked towards the two agents who were deep in conversation, she saw how uncomfortable Emily was, and finally she spoke " hey Emily come and get a drink?" she asked. Emily smiled at Morgan he could almost read her thoughts '_thank God for JJ, you may have to wait for your answer.' _"You'll have to answer my question someday" he called after her...JJ felt Emily's body tense but she could see she was stressed enough and chose to leave her to fight her own battles.

The plane touched down and soon they were gathering their go-bags and heading through the crisp black night air towards the two SUV's. Emily nudged JJ towards the opposite direction of Morgan she couldn't handle this now, JJ saw her pained expression and suddenly turned to her and whispered softly "look what the hell is going on with you and Morgan, Emily I may be new to profiling but I have worked with you for a long time and frankly I can see what he is saying your acting strange, now talk to me." Emily could feel it all building up like a flood about to break a dam and all she could do was look at her and say "look please can I tell you later?" JJ saw her face, she could see the strong set expression fading and the tears were welling in her eyes, her hands clenched, in agony JJ was read the signs wrong, "oh God Em, I'm so sorry" Emily pulled open the car door, as Hotch slid into the driver's seat. JJ knew Experience was a brutal teacher and Emily, her best friend,_ her sister_ had learnt alright. She climbed into the SUV guilt overwhelming her.

Emily Prentiss did not want to talk, it was obvious by her blank expression and her all but sudden curiosity to the interstate that she really was not in the mood but clearly, Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner or Hotch as everyone in his team knew him, needed a billboard to see her ever so unbalanced mood. "So Emily I hear yours and Morgan's training sessions are going well" he said breaking the tense atmosphere between her and JJ "yeah, its all good" she said flatly trying to hide the emotion in her voice "That's good, its nice to see the team so relaxed and its so nice to have you back" she tried to melt into the leather interior of the SUV but she was no chameleon she glared at Hotch, _way to make a situation uncomfortable._ At this point JJ thought '_if looks could kill'_ Emily was going to kill Hotch, he couldn't see her face but she sure could and Prentiss the strongest woman JJ knew was about to burst into tears. She could see Emily was on the edge and so she had to pull her back from it, she turned to Hotch and switched the subject and began to talk about his son, Jack. Leaving Emily to pull out her IPod and cut herself off from her two fellow profilers.

_Emily recalled Hotch's words... yeah it was __so relaxing__ feeling to blame for her friends suffering and yeah it was __so nice __to be back and feel like an outsider and no one knowing her fear and pain and, she had ruined her 6 friends, co—workers, her __families life... __yeah she thought way to come back Prentiss, way to make a fucking entrance._

JJ looked to the back seat were Emily was sat... she was really bad at pretending to be asleep and as they pulled up outside her flat, JJ climbed out of the car and gently woke her noticeably awake friend, just to give her a little privacy from her boss, at least she deserved that. Emily opened her eyes quickly and she could tell by looking at JJ's unimpressed face she was NOT good at hiding her emotions and her compartmentalization was on a really long day off. Hotch however just smiled at her and said to her "sleep well and just so you know, day off tomorrow I think we all deserve one" Emily returned his smile and waved and JJ said "bye Hotch" as the car drove off.

Emily turned to JJ, her cheeks a fiery pink... She was angry, to say the least. "What are you doing?" she said her impatience and anger hiking up a notch "and what did you say to Hotch as your reason to coming over mine at this hour?" JJ looked at Emily and resting an arm on her shoulder she said "I am looking after you and don't you start saying to me you don't need looking after because I know for a fact you do and for your information I said absolutely nothing to Hotch just that I wanted to make sure you got in safe and that Will is going to pick me up for yours" Emily now calmed stared at JJ not sure whether to hug her or shout at her, she was stressed and an interrogation from JJ wasn't going to help but... Despite her anger Emily hugged her and then said "Will is not coming, is he? Not this late and he is watching Henry and he is not just gonna leave him... oh right" she laughed. JJ smiled at her and said "no he is not coming...oh crap how am I gonna get home?" Emily now smiling full beam said "I guess that means you need a place to stay" as she unlocked the downstairs door and held it open for her. JJ smiled back at her friend and walked into the warmth of the apartment building closely followed by Emily, who was dreading the talk they were about to have.

"Hot chocolate?"Emily offered it was too late for coffee, but she had the feeling that they would be talking for a while, so in fact she might need one. JJ could see how nervous and frankly how terrified Emily looked, she smiled towards her, the closest thing she had to a big sister since well... thinking about her sister's suicide still hurt and she couldn't stand to see Emily become depressed or separate herself from her or the team she couldn't no wouldn't lose her too. "No its okay, but some water would be good thanks" JJ eyes explored the decor noticing her neutral colour choices and vast bookshelf she smiled. Emily took two bottles from the fridge placed them on the table and sat on the opposite sofa to JJ, knowing what was coming next. "Come on Em, talk to me" Emily nervously ran her fingers through her hair and let out a long sigh and looked down to the floor as she began...

"Well JJ this really isn't easy..." she trailed off and looked up into the eyes of the person she was about to unburden her heart to. "I guess its mostly about Doyle, I keep having nightmares JJ each one worse than before, I feel myself dying and it scares me, I feel the pain when he beat me, I feel... feel fear and hurt and it paralyzes me and then I see Reid who broke his heart, crying because he though I was dead... and he hates me for it, Morgan doesn't trust me and even Hotch and Rossi treat me like I'm breakable glass and I'm not breakable anymore because I'm already broken Jayje" Hot tears were running down the cheeks of the once, so it seemed, indestructible Emily Prentiss. Her body was shaking, uncontrollably; her walls had crumbled and she was falling apart. Taking a deep breath she continued "I'm doing all I can but it's not the same any longer, and do you know what? Where he stabbed me still hurts, everyday and I try too... Con...Control it but Morgan's noticed and now so have you and it won't be long until I'm fired or transferred, oh God, JJ" her body crumpled in pain "Emily?" JJ whispered to the now pale and hunched over shape of her friend. _Oh shit thought JJ this wasn't just some feud between her and Morgan, she is really sick..._"I...I'm okay" she replied JJ spotted the lie straight away, and realised the stress Emily was under and the fact she was stabbed not so long ago had caused her still not fully healed wound to give her this pain and hyperventilating was not helping. "Emily" JJ said in urgency "you need to take some deep breaths and breathe steady, the stress is not helping the underlying pain... okay? Come on" she gently rubbed her back, comforting her in the only way she knew helping her to slowly stop the hyperventilation. Gradually Emily lifted her head only to almost faint, head spinning the pain shooting and stabbing as she fought hard to hold on to reality. JJ gently moved her back into her former position and held her while she shook with the crushing pain, and after half an hour in agony, Emily slowly unfurled and sat up next to her shocked and seriously worried friend.

"Emily you need a Doctor and some medicine" JJ said finally after giving her a minute to recover. Emily opened her eyes "no... I'm okay" she whispered JJ looked at her closely, she was as pale as death, and looked ready to collapse, but she could not put anymore stress on the already weakened form of Prentiss. "okay not tonight but tomorrow morning we are going to see the doctor and Emily..." she said "Morgan does trust you and Reid could never hate you and Garcia will always love you as much as I do and Hotch and Rossi care about you so much they can't and won't let you get hurt again, and yes Emily you hurt them but look we are a family and no matter what happens you can never stop loving your family" Emily looked into the eyes of her sister and said "thank you" and slowly the cracks in Emily Prentiss's heart started to fill; her and JJ fell asleep five minutes later leaning on each other. Then, for the first time in eight months Emily slept without nightmares and fell asleep, happy in the memories, her and her BAU family had shared, not remembering JJ's un-waverable demand on seeing the Doctor the next morning.

Chapter 2

I tell my love to wreck it all cut off all the ropes and let me fall- Bon Iver

Emily woke to sudden cramps in her stomach, which left her breathless and she could hear a panicked JJ saying "Emily, talk to me" she tried to speak but the words wouldn't form, her stomach lurched and she stood and ran to her sink in the kitchen followed by JJ who held her hair while she threw up. "I...I need some water" Emily wheezed. As JJ reached into the fridge and passed the water to her friend who was now led on the kitchen floor "where is you Doctor's number" JJ said sternly, Emily in no state to argue said "the address book" and held the side of her stomach and closed her eyes to try to distract herself from the pain, only it wasn't working her head was throbbing and she could see coloured lights dancing in her eyes. JJ dialled the number and the receptionist answered after two rings "hello this is Barbra May, receptionist for Doctor Louise Mayfield how may I help you?" the polite woman asked, "hello my name is Agent Jennifer Jareau I am a colleague of and Emily Prentiss who attends this practice and I believe she needs to see Doctor Mayfield as a matter of urgency" she declared using her best conservative voice "okay, can you bring her into the surgery Agent Jareau?" asked Barbra "yes, and may I ask is there a time we should come?" "Come around 10 a.m. Agent, and thank you for calling" she said and respectfully and disconnected the call. JJ turned to the vulnerable looking Emily and said "we have 20 minutes how far a drive is it?" "10 minutes" she replied feebly. "Okay, I will grab you some new pants and a shirt and we will hit the road" she said glancing one last time at her friend, she ran up the stairs not wanting to leave her for too long. Whilst Emily led on the floor fighting the approaching darkness

Once dressed, they walked to the parking lot. Emily climbed carefully into the passenger seat trying not to faint she couldn't let JJ see her that weak. She started the car "Emily? Has it ever been this bad before... you know the pain?" Emily curled into herself agony overtaking her, and then she answered "once when I was in Paris, like two weeks before I came back... I was alone it hurt, a lot and eventually I fainted, I woke up alone, my body shaking and that was the moment I wanted to be home, with you guy's more than anything" JJ only realised she was crying when she was offered a tissue. She thought about Emily in pain, the way she is now...Alone, that scared her, Emily could have died alone in Paris and they, would have never known. Suddenly it made her realise they were lucky she was here at all... but she was back and JJ would never let her be in pain, alone like that ever again, she grabbed her hand gently squeezed, and then she moved the car forward, slowly scared of hurting Emily more than she already was.

They walked up to the reception of the sterile building and JJ smiled towards the receptionist and said "hello I have brought Emily Prentiss to see Doctor Mayfield" " Of course" the receptionist smiled "you must be Agent Jareau, and come on through its room 16" she said in a friendly manner. Smiling JJ and led a very pale faced Emily towards room 16. JJ opened the door and smiled towards the female Doctor "hello Doctor" she smiled "my name is Agent Jareau I am here to accompany my colleague" she said gesturing to Emily who was curled up into a chair. "Hello Agent and nice to see you again Emily, now what can I help you with?" Emily barely moved as she answered "I was stabbed with a wooden pole 8 months ago and I am still suffering severe stomach, ah fuck... pains" she finished breathlessly "and on a scale of 1 to ten, the pain would be?" she inquired "A ten" she said tears now unable to be held back. Everything was swimming in and out of focus; she could barely handle the pain. The doctor looked towards JJ "how has she been Agent?" she thought briefly of last night and this morning "she has been lethargic, sick, dizzy and also she almost fainted yesterday evening" she replied "ah" the Doctor looked troubled "I believe she may have internal bleeding and/or accompanied by temporary anaemia which has caused all these symptoms" Emily eyes where shut tight tears leaking out due to the throbbing pain in her stomach. "okay, she needs an MRI scan and I will be keeping her in the ward of the hospital, and if it is what I think and its been building for 8 months Emily is going to be in a serious amount of pain, she needs pain killers" Between the doctor and JJ they managed to coax her into a wheelchair and the Doctor administered her some strong pain killers via injection and slowly fatigue took its toll on Prentiss and she fell asleep as soon as she was placed on a bed in the ward. Her face still clenched with pain and odd whimpers of agony came as she slept still not free from all the hurt she had suffered at the hands of Ian Doyle.

JJ went outside for fresh air and chose to look at her phone and see if she had any messages- oops ten voicemails all from the one man _Will _she listen to the frantic where are you messages then, she called him smiling at his worry... it felt good to smile, though thinking of the pain Emily was in made it hard to. "Hello JJ?" he said panicked "Hey honey..." before she could finish he cut her off with a loud "where the hell have you been?" "Oh God, I'm so sorry Will but Emily was upset and she almost fainted and I had to take her to her doctor who has admitted her to the hospital and she is..." Her voice broke off "really sick" he finished "yeah... Will I'm so worried about her" He could hear her concern it must be serious JJ didn't worry easily "shall I call Hotch and the rest of the team?" he asked "NO she will freak...wait actually call them" "Jayje are you sure she really doesn't need more stress" she paused "I know that but she also needs love and support and they will give her that. Plus she needs her family right now and I can't handle it on my own so please just call them" "okay and look after her..." he said. JJ ended the call wondering whether she had just made a huge mistake but it would be even worse if she died and they never got to say goodbye... They would never forgive her. She walked into the building and sat with Emily. Looking down at a person she considered to be part of her family she hoped she would pull through but it seemed too much to ask as she began gasping for air, a nurse ran in and she was asked to wait outside. JJ panicking and fearful was praying to any God out there that she would not lose a second sister...

Chapter 3

Even if it's only a meaningless dream  
>Even if I can't talk to you, I love you- Epik high<p>

JJ looked up as the Doctor breezed towards her "Agent she is okay, we have intubated her to ease the stress on her body, but she is alright" JJ breathed a sigh of relief and smiled towards the Doctor "thank you so much" she inhaled slowly as she entered the room and held onto Emily's hand unable to leave her alone, scared, because even if she was unconscious JJ still had to be there because, that's what family did... "She will be having her scan in five minutes so I suggest you make your calls then" Doctor Mayfield smiled at JJ and left her and Emily in passed much quicker than JJ anticipated and she slowly made her way downstairs switching on her phone as she walked... as soon as she had power she dialled Hotch's number, after one ring she heard the phone being snatched up and in an urgent tone he said "JJ?" "Yeah Hotch its me, you heard about Emily right?" unable to keep the emotion from her voice. "Yeah, I heard how is she?" She stared ahead trying to answer his question "she is unconscious and well the wound could be bleeding internally with temporary anaemia and she has been living in pain for months too scared to tell us..." she was crying now incapable of controlling her pent up emotions. "Look Jayje hang on we're almost there and she will pull through, she always does" He cut the call and as JJ stood there she felt her world crumbling and hoped her team would come and pull her and Emily out of the abyss because this time she was in way to deep.

They pulled up in the two SUV's and soon JJ was in the arms of her family and slowly she informed them on the events of last night and the morning. Morgan had tears in his eyes his voice thick when he finally spoke "I...I have been so harsh on her I do trust her I would die for my princess and why didn't I notice? I'm meant to be her trainer... her partner" JJ pulled him close as Reid said "Oh God she thinks I hate her what if she...di" he couldn't bring himself to say it "dies believing that?, I just can't" Garcia suddenly spoke up "This maybe stupid but with all my hopes and dreams I just hope Emily makes it out of this I won't survive losing her again" Hotch thought back to a previous philosophy: _Sometimes there are no words.._ and he turned to his team knowing that no one could pull them apart and even Emily could not comprehend the way in which they all loved her... "It's not stupid at all Garcia and sorry but we need to be getting back to Emily, a scan doesn't take that long" said Hotch; drying their tears the unit walked on trusting for a positive outcome.

They came back just as Emily was being wheeled into her room, taking a deep breath JJ walked towards the Doctor "Ah there you are Agent Jareau, I'm sorry to tell you the bleeding is worse than what I feared and she defiantly has anaemic traits with a low haemoglobin count but I believe if she does pull through, she should make a full recovery but I'll just be blunt, she only has a 60% chance of pulling through, I'm sorry" JJ's knees nearly buckled and she forced herself toward her team and relayed the worrying statistics. Emily remained closed off from the world and even though she couldn't hear them in body she could hear them in spirit and slowly they all hugged her sleeping figure and slowly spoke to her Rossi began "I'll see ya soon kiddo" he tried to smile however his feelings of hurt where all but displayed. Then Garcia carefully held her hand "Jesus Emily you mean the world to me and I can't explain why or how much I love you but I do and every time you even leave for a case I break down in worry cause all I want is you safe with me, so stay safe honey" she turned her pain etched in her face. JJ comforted her and turned to Emily and said "Girl you know I love you like crazy you are a sister to me and I can't lose you as well we still have so many things left to do and I need you okay?"She held Garcia and slowly led her from the room even though the twinge in her heart made it hard for her to stay strong

"hey there princess" began Morgan "you know that you drive me up the wall woman and only 4 words can even begin to summarise how much I are and those four word I love you Emily" he turned and headed out trying to hide his tears. Thumping his hands down to push his anger aside, it was too hard and he couldn't do it again. Hotch's hand crept into hers as he said "just because things are different nothing has changed, yeah we have all grown up but nothing you do could make me or the team love you less don't forget that ever" and he pressed a kiss to her forehead and left the room leaving Reid and Emily alone together. "Oh Em, the last time you were... I told JJ I didn't have a chance to say goodbye but now I have the option I don't want to. Em you make me laugh you have and always do protect me with your life and I all find strength in everything and word you give me and don't go anywhere because I need you your the only one who knows... and I can't live without you" at that point the porter came and said "I have to move her I'm sorry" Reid cupped her cheek "I love you so much" and slowly Emily slipped further away and into the unknown and this time it felt too real. As the lights blazed Emily thought this was it

What though the radiance once so bright Be now forever taken from my sight-William Wordsworth

Chapter 4

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero, Seize the day because you can't rely on the future- unknown

The world was shining, Emily could feel the warmth, happiness as someone held her hand... she turned "Matthew?" she breathed "hey Em" he said smiling "its so nice to see you, but you can't stay honey they need you they can't live without you, be strong, for me and them too, never forget I love you Emily" he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek leaving Emily stood tears rolling down her face "wait Matthew please, I love you, wait!" he faded into the distance and slowly the pain and the fear bled back in, tearing her away from her perfect delusion. The burning memories and the scars, she couldn't stop them from dictating where she was going...

They sat in the visitor's room all tense hoping, praying, dreaming for a miracle and that Emily, _their Emily_ would survive. Reid attempted to fight his pain, but he could feel himself deteriorating, facts sprouting trying to find a reason, a detail, anything that could help._Abdominal trauma includes nausea, vomiting. Abdominal pain, distension and rigidity to touch,__Delayed treatment is associated with an especially high morbidity and mortality if perforation of gastrointestinal intestinal tract is involved._ That's all his mind could process as panic weighed down on him like 500 bricks. Next to him JJ sat fists curled tight as if to hold back her fear as her body tore itself to pieces while she tried to wish that she would be fine or it was just a dream. Garcia powerless to her feelings clearly let her tears fall unable to stand the pain of losing her again. Across the other side of the room sat Hotch and Rossi tight-lipped and white knuckled the apprehension forcing them to be strong not only for Emily but for the rest of their family who clearly couldn't handle the situation but then, neither could they. Morgan was pacing angrily unable to sit as his anxiety took over his ability to calm and rationalise his thoughts, what if she didn't make it? How would the team deal with that? and if she pulled through what would she be like after another exhausting mental and physical battle of trying to get better?...

JJ jumped to her feet as Doctor Mayfield entered the room "Agents, I'm pleased to tell you the operation was a success and that she may need to stay until all the blood is drained, additionally the internal damage is serious, we need her to stay and keep an eye on that along with this she will experience some pain but she is out of the woods so we hope... it was touch and go and she flat lined on us but she pulled through. You should be able to see her as she will be up from recovery soon" Garcia's smile was a mile wide, sparkling once more as she turned to the Doctor "thank you, thank you so much." The doctor smiled in reply and turned and left them to process the good news. They all went round and hugged each other the pain and fear had lifted, and they now had back their family and to them it was all that mattered they had each other and nothing could break them when they were together not unsub or even Strauss. Tears of joy ran down Morgan's face as well as Reid's and this time they weren't afraid of showing it, they had back their ray of sunshine and it was all they wanted. Hotch and Rossi stood watching over them like mom and dad till the end; JJ was overjoyed, despite all odds Emily hadn't left them. Her family was still intact and battling on. But the BAU knew Prentiss was physically and mentally drained and they could tell the scars were gonna be there, and they were as fresh, brand new.

Half and hour later, they were allowed to see her. The unit entered the room apprehensive, worried that she was in such a bad way they would regret seeing her like this or even worse she would be angry, at JJ more than the others. They all knew Prentiss hated to be treated like a baby and what Emily had told her last night was meant to be in confidence and that trust had been broken and now it was time to deal with the fallout.

"Hey there, how are you?" JJ said, Emily looked at her irritation but still couldn't stop her smile "damn it how can... you make me smile when... I want to be mad? And do you know... what I think I would get better if people... stopped asking me how I am" her smile slipped into evident pain. They had noticed her broken speech, something was wrong. Reid ran to her side at exactly the same time as JJ "I...I'm fine" she gasped between her words, the ache now hunching her body over. Garcia turned to Morgan "get the doctor, right now" he turned and headed out the room and came back with doctor Mayfield in tow. "Emily I need you to take some deep breaths and I need to feel your stomach and listen to you breathing. After a ten minute investigation the Doctor knew she had lost too much blood giving her even worse anaemic traits, she needed a blood transfusion and to rest her internal injuries, hr muscles torn badly and her stomach and liver were seriously scarred and could rupture if she gets too overstressed or over does it. She could be looking at more surgery in the next few days. She gently told this to the team whose anxiety jumped to the next level. The damage was already done and Emily could feel it alright.

The anaemia would now be leaving her tired, pale, breathless and with headaches along with the residual pain for the internal wounds/bleeding this would cause these 'attacks' frequently over the next 2 weeks _at least _and the only way to handle it was breath control, iron tablets and aspirin- the weakest dose so as not overload. "what, you mean she will deal with this" asked Reid obviously worried "yes I'm afraid there nothing I can do, we can keep her here until it stops and give her strong pain relief drugs or she can use weak over the counter drugs but she can't have strong drugs outside of the hospital as they can't be monitored also," she said as an afterthought, "she needs to stay with someone, she can't be alone but that decision does not have to be made now" Emily coughed "hello still in the room guys, and I'm fine, really its okay" even though the throbbing pain was making it hard to breathe "_Prentiss_, we can see right through you and I think you should stay here your in a lot of pain and..." Hotch was interrupted by her shouts of "For god's sake you know how much I hate hospitals and screw staying here for at least two weeks and... Ah, fucking hell..." she had now gone so pale she almost blended in with the colour of the room and her cough now barking, aching making her throat raw and she clearly was in a lot of pain At this point Rossi turned and addressed all of them "hey guy's can we quit this? We all know Prentiss' condition is exacerbated by stress so please, for her sake can we argue this out later?" he finished "my sentiments exactly" said Garcia and slowly and once all was calm, Emily gave a long sigh and along with the help of some ketamine, she led down, curled into herself trying to escape her fear; sealed away memories and her tender, throbbing body "thank you" she whispered and once again for the second night in a row, exhaustion won the battle and Emily once again lost consciousness.

JJ sat by Emily's side along with Morgan neither of them wanting to leave her side... if they weren't with her they felt like she would disappear and they couldn't let her go- she began mumbling fear creeping into her weak frame. Nightmares. They had to stay for her sake as much as theirs.

Chapter 5

Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about. - Trey Parker and Matt Stone

Emily woke breathless, she couldn't escape the dreams no matter how hard she tried he fought into her brain. She looked around to distract herself from the painful memories only to see JJ and Morgan's sleeping figures on either side of her... she smiled glad they had stayed knowing she couldn't just put this in a box anymore but also she was angry why did they have to keep going over this? It wasn't fair to them and no matter how many times they said it... it would always be her fault. The pain hit every nerve in her body and the throbbing pain was suddenly apparent causing her to arch her back to remove the pressure she felt the cramps "ah...bloody hel-..." She began heaving and she pulled her hands into her tender stomach trying to hold herself together. Her worried companions shot up and quickly JJ grabbed sick bowl and managed to get her hair out the equation while she was violently sick. After a minute she sat up her hands holding her stomach as if to keep herself strong and as the pain pushed her forward into a hunched position she gestured to Morgan "need some... painkillers" he looked over to JJ. _Emily didn't do painkillers she was a no pain no gain type of girl, yet their she sat crying... it was terrifying to see her so vulnerable._ "I swear to god Morgan... I- if you don't" "Alright Prentiss..." he said hurrying to find a Doctor who would be brave enough to enter Emily's room.

JJ looked towards Emily her heart shredding as she watched her fight for control over the torturing pain. "Hey calm down, come on" she tried to help but obviously Emily was in a colossal amount of pain and no few words were gonna solve it. "Jayje? I need you- to know that- you did help and probably- saved my life and you have done it more -than once you... know" she was struggling to form her words the breathlessness and exhaustion battled and JJ could tell she was going to collapse "Em you need to-..." her words fell on deaf ears as Emily once again slipped into nothingness.

Morgan walked in followed by Doctor Mayfield, who could see a panicked JJ trying her best to rouse Emily. "she won't wake, its an anaemia induced faint she will wake up when her mind and body are less run down, also I believe she may require more surgery... her inside wounds could cause later health problems surgery will only decrease the risk by a little but you should think about it..." JJ and Morgan looked at each other the confusion evident on their faces "why would we need to think about it?" he asked. The Doctor looked up and said "well her next of kin is listed as members of the BAU so I'm assuming she means you? And you need to think quick as her condition is unstable so we need to do it soon while she still has a little strength" the doctor carefully check Emily's Stats and gave her painkillers then left them alone. JJ sat and shrunk into the chair head in her hands. _Why on earth was this happening to them again?..._

Morgan was beating himself up about it how could he not? He new something was up with Emily he had known for so long yet he didn't tell the first time and she almost died and had to leave, to hide for her life for 7 months and now this time he sensed she was ill and what did he do nothing... and now it was too late to change any of it to make it right. Emily drove him insane alright there was something about her that made him smile that made him want to be faithful, committed and _what the hell am I thinking_ he inwardly screamed this wasn't the time to think about them together she might not make it. The realisation hit him full force like a train. What if Prentiss his baby girl, his princess just gave up... his eyes watered NO this wasn't gonna slide, he wouldn't let her leave him again. There was no way she was going. who would he chat to about books without feeling like a nerd who would make his life so much brighter just with a smile who would back him up when he deliberately wound up Reid. He couldn't manage without her. He turned to the team who had been watching him anxiously pace her room "she has got to have this operation, I know the risk but I'd rather risk it now than watch her suffer later on... you know I'm right we can't lose her again"

Hotch turned this was the final straw how could this keep happening why was she so stupidly brave. All of the bloody time like with Cyrus in Colorado, Milwaukee and Doyle she always put the unit first, them first and now she was the one they had to save if he could take the bullet now he would and looking at the rest of the team he knew they felt the same. "I think we all need to agree what's best, but I'm with Morgan she has been through enough" Reid piped up "she loves us so much she always cares whatever the situation now its my turn to care for her and I'm with Morgan and Hotch on this one." Everyone said their piece and they were all in agreement. She was prepped for surgery and as she was wheeled away they knew Emily's fate rested in their hands and now it was time to play the waiting game, even though they had played it so many times before this time they knew it was different, this time no one could convince anyone, and as the abyss once again claimed the team they knew the parts the job had taken from them and the ones it had added and the only emotion that was ever consistent in their minds was fear...

You can be scared of anything. The dark, death, Halloween, clowns; even waiting. But nothing encompasses fear as much as the unknown.

Chapter 6

After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs. - Emily Dickinson

Emily woke but this time there was no pain. She braced herself waiting for it to come crashing back like a wave against the shore, only none came. Slowly she opened her eyes the bright light scorched her skin and then she was greeted by a host of smiling faces she was home and she looked out at the crowd all those she thought lost forever then she met his eyes the one she loved... "Matthew?"and then she was ripped back from him only this time she couldn't feel empty or the overwhelming pain all she felt was a dull ache and as she opened her eyes she looked out on her team, her family and realised all though it may not be perfect it was the closest she got or wanted to get to heaven for a long time.

_Even if she had to go on they would never leave and even if she found love it would not replace what she had in that moment with her team, they were worth dying for and no matter how many times she went through hell and back she knew deep down she wouldn't change any of it because to her they were more than paradise or a peaceful existence to her they made the world spin and in that blissful second they kept her strong and brought her back to life. _

They waited for like what seemed an age and then finally the Doctor came. This time they all got to their feet and moved in the direction of the Doctor, they needed to hear the words they had to know they had saved her... and this time it didn't seem to be enough and in that spilt second they thought the worst. The Doctor told them what they had longed to hear and euphoric they walked towards their sleeping beauty and this time they knew it was alright.

She was coming home and as they sat they spoke peaceful and as Emily Prentiss opened her eyes and saw her clever amazing and wonderful friends she knew she was moving on past Doyle past all the hurt and the pain and as their laughter and joy filled the room. She felt the walls that held her captive, in solitude within her own mind break and she knew finally how to be herself without feeling weak, without spitting out all her secrets. At last she had come to terms with everything and that freedom made her smile and as the unit, her family saw the smile on her face they knew, yes she would always be strong for them, stubborn and of course a brilliant profiler. But now they could see her compartments were no longer hidden from them and seeing her the real her made them feel stronger and now the little boxes were clear they could tell she was already on the road to recovery and most of all honour and valour.

"Hey, Em" said Garcia, happening to be the first one to see their friend open her eyes. Suddenly Emily was weighed down by sudden hugs and hellos. She smiled and then she saw the shine in her families eyes and knew it was all going to be okay. Reid turned to her and said "how ar..." "stop right their Reid you will not finish that sentence you must know by now that I can't bloody stand that" Emily exclaimed laughing as she finished "oh once again I can't even be mad at you" it felt so good to laugh and JJ retorted to her statement "he is only trying to look after you and are you alright?" Emily sighed "JJ if I'm honest I feel so happy right now and honestly I'm hardly in any pain whatever drug's they are using they are working a treat and all I want to do is have a laugh with the most WONDERFUL people I know, is that good enough?" "DAMN STRAIGHT" yelled Garcia and slowly all the pain and fear of early melted away into the serenity of friendship.

The conversation flowed with ease and hours passed and everything seemed so right and all the problems that had lasted what seemed like an eternity had dissipated by a few simple words some teasing and a mad quirky blonde the BAU had made it another day and even though the scars still showed and remained they knew together they were not going to dictated where they were going.

The sun rose and fell the world kept turning yet it always seemed to burn brighter and move faster when their friendship came together.

Epilogue

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.  
>Nelson Mandela<p>

3 months later...

Emily smiled as she walked into the bullpen another day another case and even though she couldn't save everyone she knew that she, Emily Prentiss was doing her best to make a difference. Morgan walked down the stairs and let out a long low whistle. "Why hello their princess, I've lost my phone number can I borrow yours?" she held her laughter despite the chat up line. At that moment Reid had chosen to enter the room and he being a socially awkward genius said "well Morgan that is odd because how would having Prentiss' number help you remember or find yours?" Emily was now hysterical along with JJ and Garcia who had been just metres away while this occurred. Rossi and Hotch observed the team and then chose to help Reid who was flapping "WA-what did I say?" Morgan was grinning from ear to ear "I'll tell you when your older kid" Hotch and Rossi also couldn't help but smile and the girls were now on the floor laughing. Hotch decide it was time to brief the case and called them all to the boardroom. Knowing that once in a while it was good to smile.

The case was horrific and Garcia once again made JJ switch the screen and Hotch assigned them separate tasks and Reid just had to put his foot in it "Morgan What did you mean?" Emily collapsed in a fit of giggles closely followed by JJ and Hotch and Rossi shook their heads as Reid vacated the room as quickly as possible.

Emily and JJ finally managed to control their laughter and Morgan walked towards them and smiled "Emily is so nice to see you laugh and smile..." his voice trailed off embarrassed. Emily's eyes followed him as he left "What was that?" JJ Returned her smile "He likes you Emily gosh I never saw you as blind... Reid maybe but Em you have surprised me" Emily stared open mouthed after his figure. JJ turned and gazed out at the early morning sun Emily followed her gaze "it's beautiful" and they smiled enjoying the birdsong and perfect harmony, and in that moment JJ and Emily thought back over what had happened and how it seemed to have stretched an eternity, of pain, loss and most of all fear. But they were past that now they knew they had a family who would never let them down and that to them was all that mattered. Then sun rose and the world kept turning and it was beautiful and free.

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.-Marilyn Ferguson

End


End file.
